| | torn n frayed | |

2010-05-05T15:03:00.002+08:00

The typical girl who's in love and rushing things. I'm sorry.
Pressure seems to be the word but i refuse to use it.
I failed.

It's Copeland's last tour. Playing in Singapore today. I hope u guys will have fun without me.
;)

2009-11-06T22:28:00.003+08:00

here's what could have been.

that your company would let you know what time you end so plans can be made ahead.
that your handphone didn't dump on you.
that you would have called me using someone's handphone like you said you would.
that i had got your text mesage earlier and asked if you're sure you are going home.
that you would asked me that question you asked me at night in that text message.
that i stick to what i plan to do.
that i was not restless.
that the exam is not tomorrow.
that my parents are punk rock enough.

i wish to end my restrictions. i am tired of asking permissions.
because when i asked and you said no, you don't mean no. you would give me alternatives. i'm grateful for that but your alternatives always include something i'd say "the life of others". and i do not want to be irresponsible so i always respect what you said and always end up in your "no" answer.

it sucks to the max that i cannot do what i want to do. 23=adult. pui ah.

2009-07-16T03:49:00.004+08:00

because this used to be you and now it's me.

it's complicated. no, wait. it's over. totally.

what friends with benefits. you are right. i'm an idiot.

somehow, i don't think i can ever date.

but i fucking miss you no matter how much you hate me.

2009-07-16T02:41:00.002+08:00

if there's a word explaining worse than a break-up, please tell me.
it's like at wit's end. i don't remember begging and crying in the relationship.

i thank you too for everything.

never will i forget them. and you.

ass.

2009-07-15T12:54:00.002+08:00

july means party, get high, knowing your limits and being sick.
the weekends means friends with benefits.
love!

2009-07-07T23:07:00.002+08:00

then jon chan and band sings

and i wish that i could be the who pick you up
the one when you're down
i wanna be around
and i wish that i could say the things i wanted to
or should i be screaming?

you know i couldn't make you mine
and so i have to let you go
you know i couldn't make you mine
and so i have to let you go.

because it is the seventh of july.
heard the sound of trumpet on the way back home today. i swear it was you.

2009-07-01T22:49:00.001+08:00

get a damn job.

2009-06-18T21:36:00.001+08:00

yesterday i lied.

i did a test and it said i'm severely depressed. help?

2009-06-16T23:07:00.002+08:00

i thought we're cool.
maybe i'm just being sensitive.
i hate you. like seriously.
i want to delete you and not talk to you.
yes, til that extent. have fun being happy.
i don't think i can even be your friend.

"didn't know i was looking for anyone til i found you."
110608.
4 Ritter Sports chocolates.

i wished it was easy to throw them all.

2009-05-05T17:30:00.002+08:00

Using only song titles from ONE ARTIST to answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think.

Pick Your Artist:
Death Cab for Cutie

Are you male or female:
Earth Angel (The Penguins cover)

Describe yourself:
I was a Kaleidoscope

How do you feel about yourself:
Pity and Fear

Describe where you currently live:
Grapevine Fires

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Hometown Fantasy

Your favorite form of transportation:
Passenger Seat

Your best friend is:
Line of Best Fit

Your favorite color is:
A Lack of Colour

What's the weather like:
No Sunlight

Favorite time of day:
Sleep Spent

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Debate Exposes Doubt

What is life to you:
The Sound of Settling

What is the best advice you have to give:
Someday You Will be Loved (more like i give to myself. haha)

If you could change your name, what would it be:
Carolina

Thought for the Day:
For What Reason

How I would like to die:
A Movie Script Ending

My soul's present condition:
The Dream is Over

My motto:
Prove My Hypotheses

2009-05-03T17:13:00.003+08:00

i think ego stops everyone. it's this huge thing in their head that stops them from thinking. countless times told to wake them up but do they? "yes, i know.." that's what they'll say. do they really mean it? do they in the first place know what they know? it is very sad to see more of this as i grow up. to think that the matured you get, the easier it is to talk. someone told me "you know. many times you said you know but do you do anything about it? no. this just shows...". well, someone. i would like to say the same thing to you back now.

i am really bothered. what happen to the happy moments in 2007 and the years before? what happen to 7th of july of 2007? i am not in the group for long but long enough to see what happiness and maybe a bit downs you guys had. i was really happy with you punkrockers. i do not foresee any of this back then. but life's an experience. it made you wiser and maybe stronger. and i never thought ego can create such a great impact. forgive and forget can? it's childish, it is. i just want to be there as support. i wish i can do something. recall ok, friend. how much do you give them and how much do they give you back? calculative not. i am tired of seeing you leading your life this way. this group that group. all you want is fun. you can't you know. i know not my pasal but..wow. i feel cheated. i feel turned down. i feel used. what hurts most is i hate you yet i wanna hang out with you. then i stumble upon aqualung's brighter than sunshine. thanks eh.

i can go suicidal sia.

http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm

2009-04-28T17:14:00.002+08:00

eh. rachel yamagata did come la eh. 15th april. bloody hell.

what is follower? blogspot got new thing is it?

happy birthday my beautiful people. i wish we could catch up very soon but i'm pretty tied up. many many oweness.

p.s. i'm going ho chi minh from 16th may for 5 days. break!

2009-04-02T13:51:00.002+08:00

i am taking a break from doing this assignment last minute. it gets tiring when its the smae thing over. as in essay non-stop. i'm having doubts taking further higher education. but i do dream of being at least a part time lecturer. haha. i bet all kids will love me. i'm damn calm, easygoing and lenient la. like real. me and my dreams.

but i think the biggest dream i want now is..shit. i don't know. somehow all seem broken and i have to make a new one.

i had me a bodoh day 2 days ago. thanks to this grogginess. i left home without my uniform to work. at work, i left my civilian clothes in the toilet. lucky no one threw it. and then im not sure if i should go home or do my assignment at the library. end up going library but no seats left. so i search for resources. got some but realised i'm not even sure now if they're relevant. go only.

23. twenty three. i love that number now because u love that. the year didn't start great for me and i was looking forward to 23rd. mogwai in january. birthday in february (unsucessful tho), COLDPLAY in march. in MY birthday month. hee. and i'm 23 on the 13th. get it? you get it. and you turn into a new 3 on 23rd. see? it was a supposed to be a great year for us. but anyway.

it gets better slowly. i am not that alone. but i'm still sober. life haven't been that happening til you came and i mean happening. face it. they're just the unexpected. i still have things to say but it won't mean as much now. we're slowly healing. i'm really glad we are still talking and i stil can turn to you. same goes to you, i hope.

and now i'm in dilemma. on the day when my feet won't touch ground. yup, after coldplay. thanks for spoilong my mood la eh. but it's only fair that feelings have to let go. i'm not saying i hate him because you cannot hate someone so much but its just weird. you guys are friends for almost 9 years!

ok. i'm as confused as you probably are now. nevermind.

i say cb to my friend and she replied pk. i didn't know malay also got abbreviation for that. haha.

tears still welled up when i listen to fix you. i've been singing to their songs because i love it. only after the concert did i realise most songs explained something in my life. everybody's life in fact. can u imagine after 5 years then it meant deeply for me? silly girl. wah. they have became more than my favourite awesome band. dy and i promised we'll go watch them if they are still playing in 20 years time. i'm so bringing my kids along. HAHA. dream on.

kelly osbourne is engaged to luke warroll. man with boyish looks still turn me on. he's cute lor and they're like 6 years apart. i should start looking for 18 year olds now. first stop, bukit batok driving centre. k kentalz.

i took gmax 5. the swing one not up and down one at cark quay. it's the only thrilling thing me and friend can think of. the adrenaline rush is undescribablebubble! i wish it was longer. but when i'm up there i wish it would stop. hahah! i so wanna go aussie or california for the most dangerous rollercoaster ride. or even bungee jumping. best kan. i'm still on a mission to paintballing.

this is proabably the longest post. i don't care.

i've been hooked to facebook more than last time now. i don't know why. i feel bonded.

hmm. this could have been my other 25 random things post.

i miss this smell of rain! i wish i could listen to joshua radin and go to sleep. but first. go pasar malam buy warm warm food and eat and watch tv series of maybe..one tree hill? then sleep. but no. i'm stuck with this assignment and a runny nose instead. amazing i can still smell the rain.

somebody told me rachael yamagata's coming to singapore but i don't think so. anyway, her latest album kind of too mellow compared to the previous which was more..can say upbeat.

...

i am listening to explosions in the sky now! some boost! but.

....

eh, i don't know which one to write first la eh. my English are getting more crappy. i need to relearn grammar and English. 5 more hours!

.....

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

i bet you girls and a few boys know where this is from ;)

i'm cheering for myself right now!
......

i felt ignored.

my sister just climbed 138 steps to mount sophia where she's decided to study. 138 steps! she counted!

........

good morning. i didn't off my lappie. what energy wasted! i finally reached like 2100 words, more than i expected, yup not what's expected but i don't care. i think my points are there. not clearly understood but can be understood. haiz. one month assignment turn 5 days. always like that. i shall make a resolution now to start at least 4 weeks before due date.

.........

0945h. finally over! i'm going to play more quizzes on facebook, hang out with dad, shower and off to handing up the assignment, catch up with the bitches and probably even catch confessions of a shopaholic!

have a great weekend all. and have fun OASIS-ing. i have no regret not going because coldplay is still the shit!!

2009-02-23T23:29:00.002+09:00

people been doing the 25 random things on facebook. let me do it here.

1. i will type this in 25 sec. impossible. 25 min. its 10:32 pm now.

2. i am already random by nature. like today, i text the ex-boyfriend to tell him i found the chocolate he'd been helping me to look for. so happen to be his birthday too. 6 months ago, i never thought i'll take this day off and sit at home. happy big three.

3. i laugh and smile to myself which freaks everybody out.

4. people said im blur. well, sometimes i only pretended to be blur.

5. i ever dreamt of being a gymnast. the one with the colourful piece of cloth that goes round as you move and the roundoffbackhandspringtwistlayout sort.

6. i am easily influenced.

7. i thought i'm the only one who have the idea of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

8. i wish C class ward is not 8-bedded. or at least make it bigger and cosier la. not cramped.

9. i cried on my forth birthday. no reason why. but now i know. i was touched by seeing all my cousins and family there. im not the one who like to be in ctr of attention. so yea.. kinda feel wanted. i was EMO.

10. i love Hiro. it used to be 30 cents and big. now its smaller and doesn't taste any better.

11. i think me and sister has great telepathy. our body language says it all too. most obvious: the uncomfortable "geli" spot.

12. i like teenage mutant ninja turtles a lot. i like leonardo first kz he's a leader. but then he like boring. then i wanted to ike michaelangelo (yes, wanted to) but sis likes him. so i like donatello next kz i like purple. never like rafael kz he like very strong headed.

13. also back then, i like observing boys. not to ooh-aah over them. i just think its great to be one. but i think its cooler if i'm the only girl among the boys. but that never happened kz i begin to like colours and boys seem to be wearing only black white blue and grey.

14. it's 11:o3 pm. my aim's not met. because many typo. long time not online. lets extend to another 25 min.

15. i still need to improve my english. i still say stuffs.

16. i like 911! haha.

17. i am lazy since young. grandma says i still want to be fed at 4, even 5. thats because i want to play with this toy and eat at the same time. i remember i began school at 1, transport at 12 sthg. so i'll wake up at 6 to pray, sleep again then sleep back and wake up around 9, shower, eat, watch tv, read, play with cousin and at 11 sthg play with this certain toy. and it clashes with my makan time. so yea. i just felt that i'm gonna have a bad day if i don't play with this toy.

18. i remember wondering why i have hands and fingers and why or how people gets old. it's an undescribable feeling.

19. if only everybody is like me, i bet there's no fights anywhere now. then again, the world will be topsy-turvy.

20. i have no heart for my patients now :(

21. i want to marry adam brody.

22. i want to date samaire armstrong.

23. i always get the impression that the name Fifi is bapok.

24. i can't be too happy. i'll get a headache.

25. i'm ending this. yes, its a bore but i think there's some more random stuff.

time check: 11:29pm

2009-02-09T23:17:00.003+09:00

i am soooooooo happy that father is back. alhamdulillah. means a lot. it's been more than 24 hrs now he's at my grandma's house which is his in-laws house. yup, i'm living there now for a while.

it's been...ok. but tiring. i realised he's a little like his mother. he likes to use the hp, he calls for little things.. i'm not complaining. i guess i'm just emotional. i understand how hard it is for him but he don't seem to understand us. i'm not asking for that though. i mean.. AAH!

i really don't know how to start this new life. my brain's in chaos. i wanted to talk but i feel weak doing so. what i wanted to do now is either to resign or get a maid. i've never felt this responsible before. a daughter, a grandaughter, a sister, a nurse, a student. he needs 24 hr care. i pity grandma looking after him. i mean my dad is damn heavy. he can sit up but to transfer from bed to chair, his diapers, medicine, feeding..too much for her to handle. he didn't even sleep last night! tried walking with him today but he's not as strong as when he was in the hospital. made me ____.

the only thing i'm glad now is i do have support from family and good friends. i'm definitely glad i don't have a boyfriend. at the moment. but i think because my last boyfriend was him. i still feel soberandotherthingsabout it til now. don't know if you're reading this but i kinda hate you. ugh! that is probably one of the reasons why this happen. one other reason like my uncle said, "You must have done a very small thing in life that Allah loves and He wants to see more of that." "Or maybe test you," i added. Made me ____ again. another reason too is.. i probably wasn't being a good girl for the past almost 23 years.

2009-02-01T14:49:00.001+09:00

i played guitar heroes and i suck! don't think i'll bother trying out the drums. but i think it needs a little get used to. people and their creations. i miss wii.

2009-01-30T02:57:00.003+09:00

i had a one of huda's silly moment today.

it was post night shift. wasn't sleepy. or at least i thought i wasn't. sat on a no-backrest chair. switched the lappie on. about dunno how long later, i was on the floor. tried to catch myself but didn't make it. i actually fell asleep! now got that bruised feeling beside my left eye and a 1cm cut. so much for wanting to feel pretty over the long weekend. heh.

out of nowhere: just because mogwai made me feel so much better, doesn't mean i'm that ok. i'm just fine.

2009-01-24T13:44:00.003+09:00

been exactly 2 months of the unexpected. the sadness, the pain, the hurt, the confusion, the stress, the people, the guilt. watching mogwai live really made me feel so much better. the kind of music i need for the shit i've been through. every single piece describes those everyday feelings. thank you, thank you for coming. i wish it wouldn't end. their 1 1/2 hr was damn short la. i'm not surprised they don't sound good with lyrics. they don't interact that much. it's only "thank you very much" and "how are you all doing" and "what do you say". aah! no photos while they played. too lost in their music.. got their autograph tho on the pathetic ticket but well. it's not like they have the best autograph anyway. then they sold lkimited edition cd with dvd for 18 bux! i shudn't have bought the cd first la!

i love you, i'm going to blow your school. the precipice. batcat. hunted by a freak. i know.

damn it. i feel like crap now.

2009-01-18T15:56:00.002+09:00

this joke.
will it be over?

happy new year.

i want to migrate.

2008-12-17T10:31:00.002+09:00

it's pretty obvious how the team is unsure of my father's case. Alhamdulillah they made the right decisions so far. there are already signs of recovery. like seriously recovering. just 3-4 more things for him and i'm sure he can come back home. planning home is the hardest thing to do now. always been even if it's not for my father. i hate planning.

2008-12-08T00:29:00.001+09:00

i am more than damn pissed with Berita Harian. i only like the last part of the article. Thank you.

i'll never forgive myself. ever.

2008-11-30T10:12:00.002+09:00

wait.

wait.

waiting.

hope.

hope.

hoping.

miss.

miss.

missing.

when.

oh.

when.

don't.

let.

go.

please.

2008-11-30T10:08:00.000+09:00

Electrico- Hail to the Friends

Love Denvers!!

2008-11-16T10:29:00.002+09:00

it's 2 celebrations in one day yesterday. it's mum's birthday and i can legally drive now. it's probably the best birthday present she ever receive from me. i wasn't as psyched as i thought i'd be but boy, was i smiling all the way like a happy girl after an amazing sex. hah. what do i know. guess it pays to be sick. and that "jampi" water i got from my dad's friend that had "jampi-ed" the tester. i wasn't tested on 'e' brake. thanks you ppl out there for telling me not to give up ;)

anyhoo, Eunos's went to Sakura buffet.
i find this too gross to be eaten. sashimo, sushimo..something like that.

and i drank this

yup. hot green tea. i feel it goes better with sushi.

before i knew it, i was home before ten. on a saturday. not a very great feeling kz my rockstar and other friends were around that same area, rocking to weekend trip while me at home.

2008-11-14T16:18:00.002+09:00

i've been damn thin. i have the appetite to eat now but these throat and lungs are stopping me. i really don't know what to eat or drink except for plain and honey water!

cynthia told me to stop talking 'cause it gonna turn everyone on. saana told me to "go slow, not deep straight away." boyfriend tells me to sing City of Angels by the Distillers.
yup. that's how rock i sound.

now im starting to get headcache. again. almost frequently lately. wonder if seeing the doctor helps.

2008-11-12T22:36:00.001+09:00

well, i'm not so much of Cinta. she's a teen. i'm..well. a young adult.

thought october would be fun but it's not. it's post-puasa and i got assignments and exams which i can't get any bloody resources. expected support and laughter from them important people but oh well. not all things can go your way. too long and hurtful to be explained. guess my laidback-ness got the best of me. sucks really bad. seriously, i think it's just a personality problem. hard to accept. you know..like different people have different opinions. or probably just misunderstanding. getting the other to understand. thought it was understood but it's not. i blame no one but me. it's frustrating when people you love can't get along with each other. wrong move huda. i learn now.

things are never gonna be the way they were before. i only hope it will.

i AM sincerely sorry. all of you.

2008-10-12T12:26:00.002+08:00

ada apa dengan cinta.
i am cinta.

2008-10-07T13:03:00.004+08:00

i'm so sick.
sick and tired.
of waiting. everytime.
it gets frustrating. very frustrating.
especially when things you thought were once right but now they're not.
especially when it seems like you have to do every single mistake in order to get through.
especially when it isn't just "it" on your mind.

fucken failure.
oh rainy day, be with me.

2008-10-04T18:56:00.002+08:00

was never there i
there was i never
i never there was
i was never there
there never was i

2008-09-19T02:10:00.006+08:00

BREATHE

skate bowl, beach, angels and airwaves, sixoheight, playground. you.

2008-09-19T02:10:00.003+08:00

just for the record, 5 days so far.

2008-09-19T02:10:00.002+08:00

i hate it when a patient collapse. especially when the doctors "call it" and we have to face the family. as a professional, i can only empathise. and when this happens too often, i'm not sure how sincere the empathy is. i fear of not going to be sincere again. like i'm a fake.

somehow, it got tested. some bad news came. this time it's not like.."ohh..it's just another one." i felt shock instead. im human again. felt more human when i told my parents. i was reminiscing.

it's painful. but i know you're strong enough. there's always us. and it's not jinx. it's berkat.

and tonight shows who your real friends are. in fact, it was like a reunion don't you think?

2008-09-03T18:26:00.003+08:00

guess what's my latest add-to-favourite website. Tiffany & Co.
Jialat.

i like Elsa Peretti's gemstone charm bracelet.
Frank Gehry's unique designs.
The Swing and Jazz collections. And this ring which looks pretty nice as a wedding ring.

AAh!!! Thanks ah Mon.

http://www.tiffany.com

2008-09-01T18:16:00.005+08:00

ALFREY NOOR SULAIMAN,

Stop asking. Ever since you said that you're falling in love with me and i replied, things are never gonna be the same again. It's gonna be better. Yes, you may not be on the list but what do i know about the list? You happened before it and it's real. More real. Everything felt real. So screw the list. It's just a dream i wish will never come true.

I still remember your 7 pages messages. I'm here and always will. Even if one day you turn out abnormal. I'm so sure this time and I'm letting the whole world know.

Rockstar. You are my breath of fresh air, the peppermint to my Arnott's chocolate cookie slice, the marshmallow in my rocky road.

So dry your eyes, mate. 'Cause now I'm yours <3

Friday, I'm in love...again.

2008-09-01T17:43:00.002+08:00

Congratulations, Adara and Sofyan!
Looking forward to next year.
You did a good job, you creature of the night ;)

2008-08-09T12:21:00.004+08:00

SINGAPORENVYOUS

2008-08-09T12:21:00.002+08:00

so what's the plan?
i don't know. up to you.
no idea. it's 2240.
there's drum and bass at bugis. start at 2200.
what time finish? i don't wanna go home late.
ouh.
is anyone you know there? if got then i go home ah. you go watch.
huh?

if only this was a movie scene, i would have edited this shot. even better, delete it.

i love The Cure's Friday, I'm in Love. now i'm not sure.

2008-08-04T15:51:00.007+08:00

liar liar pants on fire

2008-08-04T15:51:00.006+08:00

so you know what you want.
well sometimes, you didn't realise that you want it.
like you don't know what you want.
guess it's not about what you want.
it's about what you expected.

and when all else fail, violence.

2008-08-02T10:21:00.003+08:00

We always have a choice
Or at least I think we do
We can always use our voice
I thought this to be true
We can live in fear
Extend ourselves to love
We can fall below
Or lift ourselves above

Fear can stop you loving
Love can stop your fear
Fear can stop you loving
But it's not always that clear

I always try so hard
To share myself around
But now I'm closing up again
Drilling through the ground

I'd love to give myself away
But I find it hard to trust
I've got no map to find my way
Amongst this cloud of dust

Fear can stop you loving
Love can stop you fear
But it's not always that clear

~Fear and Love by Morcheeba

Under the blue skies of her native land
She languished and began to fade. . .
Until surely there flew without a sound
Above me, her young shade.
But there stretches between us an uncrossable line;
In vain my feelings I tried to awaken.
The lips that brought the news were made of stone,
And I listened like a stone, unshaken.
So this is she for whom my soul once burned
In the tense and heavy fire,
Obsessed, exhausted, driven out of my mind
By tenderness and desire!
Where are the torments? Where is love? Alas!
For the unreturning days'
Sweet memory and for the poor credulous
Shade, I find no lament, no tears.

~No Tears by Alexander Pushkin

It lies not in our power to love or hate,
For will in us is overruled by fate.
When two are stripped, long ere the course begin,
We wish that one should love, the other win;
And one especially do we affect
Of two gold ingots, like in each respect:
The reason no man knows; let it suffice
What we behold is censured by our eyes.
Where both deliberate, the love is slight:
Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?

~Who Ever Loved That Loved Not at First Sight by Christopher Marlowe

2008-07-30T16:02:00.005+08:00

there's a rambutan tree around my house area.
makes me wanna go kampung. already had durians and longans.
time for mangosteens and jackfruits and coconuts and papaya and lychee and duku.
and this fruit that smells nice but taste weird which so far only me, tweet and his mom like.

random #3

2008-07-30T16:02:00.002+08:00

a mystery.
totally not in the list. total opposites.
uncertainties.
fear still bothers me. ignore.
imperfections.
but somehow, those imperfections seems to be a beautiful thing. it's what makes it so right.
give it all already.

so how do you fall in love?
make out and ask him to be your boyfriend.
am i on cloud nine?

will be soon before long

oh. happy birthday, Bernard.
beautiful things do happen on your birthday.

2008-07-27T16:35:00.000+08:00

What is this game we're playing?
Should I stick around for more?
Snap your fingers
I'll come running,leave again when you're boredwith me
I'll make it easy

Nevermind me, nevermind me
I'll just cast shadows on your wall
Nevermind me, nevermind me
my God I feel so small!

Nevermind me, nevermind me
I'll just cast shadows on your wall
Nevermind me, nevermind me
I'll let myself out

This facade that I'm stuck withhas got me wondering
Just tell me how you want me
and I'll be naked stumbling
just to get a reaction, any signs of love

Nevermind me, nevermind me
I'll just cast shadows on your wall
Nevermind me, nevermind me
my God I feel so small!

Nevermind me, nevermind me
I'll just cast shadows on your wall
Nevermind me, nevermind me

Bottle up your smile
and pour it in a cup
I'll be on my way
once I sobered up

Nevermind me, nevermind me
I'll just cast shadows on your wall
Nevermind me, nevermind me

Nevermind me, nevermind me
I'll just cast shadows on your wall
Nevermind me, nevermind me
Nevermind me, nevermind me
I'll just cast shadows on your wall
Nevermind me, nevermind me
my God I feel so small!

Nevermind me, nevermind me
I'll just cast shadows on your wall
Nevermind me, nevermind me
I'll let myself out

-Maria Mena, Nevermind me

2008-07-21T17:11:00.003+08:00

i'm probably the most lucky girl to get the annual leave during the joint commission international week. it was the most biggest important audit for hospitals. yea, so SGH is known to be the best around thus the ungodly preparation. eee. i'm so glad its over. not sure how we did til i get back to work tomorrow. DREAD!

the drag to my leave though was that i DID NOT go for holiday/getaway. anyway, i had fun with friends, catching up and being there.

and it's given me a lot of thoughts to uncertain things. oh and i pass the exam which i was so confident of failing! woo hoo! but overall i think my friend didn't. that means i have to go through next semester by myself. i mean i do have other friends but i get along best with her.

ok. my guy friend thinks i should blog this.

1) SGH gives $2.50 for meal allowance on PM shift. it's not even enough for a freaking chicken rice.

2) i think tomato sauce is childish. haha! but i'm proud of myself becuase i already began to eat fries with tomato ketchup.

3) a few other random stuffs which i'll blog when i remember them.

cdc cheerleaders

2008-05-17T10:19:00.001+08:00

2008-04-28T22:54:00.002+08:00

finally the assignment's OVER!
now, to concentrate on exam then driving then exam again. however, it's goona be a bit of driving first. my driving been very sucky lately la!

i guess today's driving suck 'cause im still in the post KL trip mood.
yup, went KL for this

a ah. gua da hardcore, beb!!
tsk.

the crowd was mad i tell you. very different from Sg. it was rowdy. tot of getting into the crowd but never mind. i bet everyone who came out of the gig had a part of their body hurt.
the bands were great. sound was pretty good. enjoyed loads even if 3/4 of the time we didn't get to see their faces. it's great that we went Zouk for gig instead of club. ok, maybe a bit wasted but we're not there for that. despite the fun we had, things got lost. in just ONE hr. i feel you my friends. lesson learnt.

i have a liar for a friend. but i'm glad he came. it was nice to see him have fun. well, he always do anyway but eversince he got some problems lately, it was nicer to see him have fun.

we had good food over there. correction. awesome food! we really had full meals. i'm so lagging of those since the start of the week 'cause of work. thank you so much Cassandra boys! we're really grateful. i really can't stop eating. now the boys know the real huda. heh. anyway, here's what recommended, Raju restoran where they sells roti cannai (they had PA system for warning the drivers when the TP came to saman-ing the cars parked inappropraitely.) and kampong baru. kampong abes. name the malay side dishes, it's there. cun tu.

the accomodation was good too. feel like family. i miss waking up seeing the boys sleep. they look so innocent. haha. and my girlfriend's boyfriend's snore! i miss that too. and you, liar friend, must get used to sleeping on the bed!

somehow, it ended pretty badly 'cause i realised i left my camera somewhere there. mhmm. my sister screamed like waaaaaaat when she heard that. like what girlfriend said, "maybe you cursed your camera too much. they had feeling too it seemed." yeah, probably. 'cause i've been saying "it's time to get a new camera."and we felt that we were cheated by the bus agency upon going back Sg. sigh. lesson learnt. again.

aah! still not in the mood to work. i feel like being out of Sg for a month! time won't stand still will they?

ok, i know i've been saying pictures to be up, but i prob just give a link. not now. those with facebook, check out my profile. otehrwise, wait.

http://elmunirah.multiply.com/photos

2008-04-28T22:50:00.002+08:00

Jikalau engkau pergi dari sisiku malam ini, hatiku akan terus gelap.

- ANS, 25th April @ 1549h.

2008-04-14T22:24:00.003+08:00

there's this girl i know who has not one but three status that some guys would ever dream of should he has a girlfriend. she wished she could have all them tattoed on her legs but due to unforeseen circumstances, sigh.

her year ended and started pretty well. she enjoyed christmas and hari raya and new year. there are pictures which i'll help link later.

in between though, she had pretty rough times. one of them involved this guy she enjoyed hanging out with. there's this adrenaline feeling sometimes but she knew she had to brush it off. probably 'cause she's looking for something serious and is afraid to take the risk. well, she's not getting any younger and so is he. she doesn't want to waste his time. they've been pretty close since early this year. "Go only.." her/his friends would say. frankly, her heart says yeah but her head says no. he asked like what. five times? they had like an on and off thing of contacting. they could be talking/texting 7 days a week for maybe 2 weeks or just a once a month. and she's still trying to understand what makes it so hard to not think about him. i think he's the next guy she's comfortable with after her exboyfreind. i bet she's having mixed feelings. that sucks. and lately, there had been a problem between them and the friends they hangout with. it sucks more 'cause there seemed to be loss of trust. i told her to not get involved. maybe she don't need to meet them often. silence. she miss him. so did he. i suggested that she should start seeing other guys. and she said she will. in june. 'cause

work isn't helping her either. her transfer to another department had affected her social/personal life thus, no date. sucks like FUCK. totally mad. she hasn't been going home on time. it's depressing. the thought of it makes her wanna cry. everyfreakingtime. she wants six months gone like -. yup. that short. thank god her colleagues are fine. except for one or two. maybe three or four. basically i think beacause she's having trouble communicating with these old ladies. pretty emotional at times. she can't take it. oh and yesterday she had this lady who claimed to be a psychic. so this girl i knew asked the lady if she can answer her questions. she said can.

girl: when will you see me getting married?
lady: i have to see your palm.
(so she showed.)
lady: 2 years.
girl: and how long will it take for me to find him? as a boyfriend first.
lady: (she shake her head) no hope. no hope for you to get married.
girl: you said i'll get married in 2 years!
lady: no. you won't get married. i lied. no hope.

haha. played with her feelings. but this kind of thing sure makes her day actually. i'm glad.

and then, she has assignment which she probably is doing right now. that added to her stress. mmhmm. she's studying part-time and part-time regretting. seemed kinda hard to concentrate. exams coming up soon i heard. all the best.

and to destress, she join a fitness club. True. gentle/therapy yoga or just cardio workout works. going with girlfriends make it more fun. oh. she's a cheerleader too. hasn't been going often though ever since she's not in the nationals. she felt that by being there, she'll be enjoying too much and will make it harder to let go when time to go had come.

her birthday just passed too. she got polaroid, backpack and a storybook! her sister still owe her. so do i. she love her friends! and what she did on her birthday? check out concrete romans and watched step up 2. awesome moves! still prefer step up 2 though. no mum or bird and the bee. huhu.

her traffic police test is in one month's time. im so praying that she'll pass! aaah! she will la. haha.

well, that pretty much bring her story to an end. close to end. haha. pretty dumb to be telling someone else story instead of your own. that's because my life probably sucks.

bye.

2008-03-13T23:59:00.000+09:00

AAAAAHH!!
HAPPY TWENTY TWO!

will update soon :)

2007-11-06T01:58:00.000+09:00

aaaahh!! glad i came last min for support!
i am so feeling the subaru challenge. i know how disappointed u are my redneck friend but u did well!! we still love you! we are so sorry we sort of got lost in our "little convo". u could have done better, we knew it!! it's a good experience. all the "wake up, atas sikit atas sikit, ibu jari ibu jari, lame jokes, u still have 5 fingers..". and how he said he thought his fingers were beans and his palm was holding a plate of (i dunno wat) food. sigh. next year u whole Bella people go okay and i'll be wearing my miniskirt and go crazy with my pom-poms over you guys.

it's really a whole mental and health challenge man. 5 min break every 6 hours. how crazy?! i respect you those out there still having their hands on that car. (except this dude who trash-talked my redneck friend til he got hallucinated). the amazing thing is, there were more ladies than men left standing. this proves that ladies have stronger mentalities than men. yeay!

anyways.
a very close close trusted friend turns twenty one today. i have no idea where she is now.

it wasn't a very great night to end with. i will be there tomorrow my bubbly friend.
and glad to finally meet the cina friend.

2007-11-01T19:14:00.000+09:00

Tonight I dreamt we found a fair of wonders
Where the future and the past could not contain
We were greeted by a spell that took us under
And laid down in a field that revelates

To meet you in this dream we share
I believed a perfect pair
Oh, but I was wrong
This fair comes with a price
Because tonight I'll wake up twice
And, both times find you gone

Reflections
Are all we have that when it's over
Reflections
Of the path that sends us searching
Over and over again

Too quick to fall asleep again to find you
I'm rushing through a dream I can't control
This house of mirrors beckons us to walk through
But inside again I'll have to let you go
Stuck here in this stare
Revealed beyond the glare
Again you're gone
So throw a stone through these reflections
Scatter light in all directions
And sing this song

Reflections
Are all we have and when it's over
Reflections
Of the path that sends us searching
Over and over again

Where does the physical
Meet with the spiritual?
Is this the typical question?
But down below and up above
It looks the same
So I'm not sure of anything
Where will love come from again?

Reflection
Is all we have
And when it's over
Reflections
Of the path that sends us searching

(Searching Searching)

-Reflections, Mae

2007-11-01T19:11:00.000+09:00

i think i'm most happy when i cried.

is it worth the living?

2007-10-21T01:49:00.000+08:00

it's been a loooong time thinking and these are what's left this year:

back to Denvers!
Driving practice
Musical
Save money for degree
Save money for next year travelling
Blind date(s). heh.

2007-09-14T18:09:00.000+08:00

aaaaaaaaarrrggghh!!!

i'm so excited and anxious and happy and awholelotmoreofjumpyfeelings, i could eat a hundred dozen of donut factory with ben and jerry's!!

the stylist's prettier than the model. horrible horrible!

start voting ;)

2007-09-14T17:55:00.000+08:00

MY AUGUST

*SEVENTEEN

BANGKOK

MY SEPTEMBER

Funeral For A Friend

Shit happens that week too. It was the first time ever I felt so courageous. Boy, was it hard. Harder than a break-up. I seriously had no intention to hurt him. Glad we are still talking :) CRASH was awesome.

2007-07-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

im not gonna end this with fullstops because rainy days makes me lazy and ive been falling sick on and off and i think nobody believes me because i lie like homer simpson who is such a funny pain in the ass like this dude who made me wake up early in the morning and then to tell me that he gave the wrong info to see this film he acted in that involved my future cousin in law who was pissed after the whole damn thing because they didnt win but they knew they did well so that's all that mattered like how i knew what's the fucking surprise which i think doesn't flatter me and is that even a question because i dont know like how i dont know everything because i only know how to colour and i love it as much as the handshake that got us talking again yeay

2007-07-26T22:28:00.001+08:00

COUSIN!!!
I CANNOT SHUT UP!!!!
che mo pan?!

here it goes again like any normal teenager only this time, i'm not.
boys and their ego or me and the ego rather. heh. i kind of knew "everything" and it's pretty sad. i'm quite happy at one point in my life where i don't want/need to make any new friends. like i already know who my real friends are, know what i mean. i'm weeelly happy being single. yes, it gets lonely sometimes but i got my ways. and now it's like shit. not the no-bf part. i don't want to be some erm.. goddess? like attention kind of thing. i hope they don't see me that way because we've been hanging out what seemed like a lot. i'm just a friend of a friend/cousin. felt relieved after telling this friend/cousin though. still, i didn't expect it to happen now. like it's suddenly EVERYTHING. i'm pretty sad for this guy too. i'm totally having mixed feelings and none of them seem perfect. an adventure she said. an experience. sheesh. sure is.

happy (belated) birthday, frens.

2007-07-26T21:58:00.000+08:00

What it was wasn't my fault
If i would have known
But who could have known
Cameras and the kids
Candids and the kindling
We're fighting them off
They've done it again
What did her friends say
Who was involved
Oh call it all off
Cause i should have known but
Who could have known

The needles the space
Time cant erase
And buttoned down
You'll get the best of me
The thrill of it all
The rise and the fall
Buttoned down
You'll get the best of me

On the way back to the bank
His heads sinking low
He should have known
How hard did it come
When was it that you
Lost your soul
What does it take
What did they make you
What do you know
Would you have done it again again again
Now we'll let you in but
We should have known

The needles the space
Time cant erase
And buttoned down
You'll get the best of me
The thrill of it all
The rise and the fall
Buttoned down
You'll get the best of me

-Buttoned Down, Straylight Run

2007-07-24T16:56:00.000+08:00

father called to get him a cab. gave him the number instead.
and go to work.
do some suctioning. and she's so chesty.
and everybody has flu.
i'd like to think it's the brains-brains that upsets this.
waiting. we are far but near. i like eye contacts.
cheapskate.
my cousin my bitch now.
i forgot what can say and what can't. give me a pencil and paper next time, yea?
like frog under the table.
high on the off day.
paracetamol and promethazine codeine.
drink lots of water and passed out heat.
felt good.
whambamboobydaadeedaa.

2007-07-20T00:43:00.000+08:00

i have too much of unnecessary and little favourites in my wardrobe.

and i can't shop because there is no more space.

and because of Bangkok.

but i still want a lomo.

Jaljeera is a digestive drink.

i dunno how to react with you now.

discman is cool.

i bumped into olds last night. it was nice!

i got friends working at my favourite places-that means discounts!

i want no doubt back.

there's ritter sports in peppermint!

some people really don't give up and i wish they or at least, he would.

there's this little thing about guitarists that i can't get along with. i still want the decent conversation. glad u were online even if it's a short one.

brett anderson is out. i rather have suede.

2007-07-18T16:44:00.000+08:00

Its just temporary
But give it time to know it's real
Before you're ready to face the end, begin to heal
Your life's worth living,
For some would give their all to feel
Their heart stop beating, so give yourself another chance to change
With tomorrow comes a better day

-temporary, Amber Pacific

2007-07-08T23:13:00.000+08:00

this week was love! like everybody was happily crazy while hanging out. totally. rarely a moment of "i dunno". wish it'll never end. especially the weekend. feels like new year's eve. i unexpectedly stayed over at Bella Luna Studios. it's closing sooooon and i've only been there thrice. but doesn't matter. i'm not like a musician or somebody's girlfriend to be there most of the time plus i stayed in the NorthWest. by the way dear friends and cousin, it really is hard to talk to someone when both have already been teased at. but frankly, i do want to talk him besides hi. thanks anyway.
now just waiting for Rab to upload the pics. i took a few though and this one will just remind me how much laughter we had. i'm feeling a bit teary now.

2007-07-04T00:09:00.000+08:00

farewell dinner at seoul garden was enjoyable despite the cries of Wong Kai Li (if i'm not wrong that's her name-a girl's name). yea, my preceptor's almost 5 months daughter. damn friendly and temperamental like her mother.

Me and Ng Xin Hui!

Norhayati with baby and husband.

Dig in.

your jokes, smiles, enthusiasm, irritants, wisdom will be missed loads my friend, colleague, buddy! really sad to see you go. no one will understand me as much now that you're gone. haha. i'll visit you next year and we'll take the wildest roller coaster ride there is in Sydney/Gold Coast then come back Singapore together :)
thanks a lot for listening to my problems, cries and happiness and for always being there. study hard, dear! must come back with that cert, hor!

2007-07-03T02:01:00.000+08:00

BRETT ANDERSON

GWEN STEFANI

BANGKOK

FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND

=BROKE

Love Is Dead-Brett Anderson

Nothing ever goes right
Nothing really flows in my life
No one really cares if no one ever shares my care
People push by with fear in their eyes in my life

Love is dead, love is dead

The telephone rings, but no one ever thinks to speak to me
The traffic speeds by, but no one's ever stopped too late
Intelligent friends don't care in the end, believe me

Love is dead, love is dead

And plastic people with imaginary smiles
Exchanging secrets at the back of their minds
Plastic people
Plastic people

Nothing ever goes right
Nothing really flows in my life
No one really cares if this horror's inside my head

People push by with fear in their eyes in my life

Love is dead, love is dead
Love is dead, love is dead
Love is dead, love is dead

And all the lies that you've given us
And all the things things that you said

And all the lies that you've given us...
Blow like wind in my head

2007-07-02T11:58:00.000+08:00

my Lisa moved 2 blocks away from me! more girlfriends time..either mine or yours. haha. it's fun to help out here and there though tiring. end the day with supper which is like dinner actually, with her family and her bf. wish my family was a little loud like theirs. i felt like i'm one of them. they even called me by my nick. haha. that's since secondary school days.

HAPPY YOUTH DAY

2007-06-28T23:26:00.000+08:00

and the good news kept coming.
my job grade has increased.
well done, Huda!
tomorrow go Zara splurging ok?

2007-06-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

i am oh SO hurt. thanks eh for making me feel lousy. there goes my self-esteem. cheebye. i can accept that u said i'm quiet 'cause i know by nature i am, but crap? what the hell. it's so sad that u're not a nice person. asshole.

i don't think i can ever get myself a guy. yes, EVER. maybe i'm born homo. so u people don't be surprised if one day i... yea?

anyway, i already knew we won't get along from the start so why bother. seriously, i'm glad there isn't any chemistry. sheesh. it's gonna be embarassing still to hang out together in a big bunch now.

ohmygod.

i miss Kit. i think we both need a hug. i think i'm gonna cry too.

2007-06-27T11:58:00.000+08:00

cheers to me! even though u damn senior and junior leave me alone in the stuffy cubicle with me donning on the yellow big apron and faceshield and double gloves and him looking slightly unstable, but with confidence, i succeeded. my very first time! with no help! except the doublechecking la. yay! (somehow later, realised that it's the wrong size but still acceptable. phew.)
another reason to look forward to work.

i really exert myself today. stupid right. i worked sort of fast until my senior left with nothing to do. haha. but bloody hell. still leave me with the dirt. mana teamwork babes?! but maybe because i was avoiding the auditors so i made myself busy. heh.
sometimes i wish i was working with Denvers. i even imagined some of them as nurses. haha.
sigh. i miss training. already.

2007-06-25T22:19:00.000+08:00

this time, i ain't gonna complain about work like i always do. i'm excited and i just feel the need to tell people. i found a new love-my vampire skills are improving. yeay! except when setting the necessary. if only i can do morning shift everyday. :) :)

2007-06-24T21:45:00.000+08:00

AGM is over. phew. it wasn't as formal as i thought it'd be. it's only that we have PPCC err..someone kind of in-charge of it as the guest of honour to witness the event. wish the seniors were there too. then, back to the rowdiness. the votes for new committee was tough! especially victor's haha. was voted as secretary, treasurer and team manager! in the end, he took up the team manager and secretary was given to xinyi :) and treasurer, joanne. captain is elizabeth(BB) as expected and vice-captain is Harlis! argh! i'm so proud of him! must thank me for forcing u to join the team. heh. and now that he's vice-captain, i'm kind of scared. he's like my BEST and closest cheer buddy/mate and now it's like i have to give him more respect than what i used to give. i hope nothing will change :( don't worry, i won't lie! hee.
and oh, harlis's logistic officer post was pass over to louis.

and the 06/07 committee plus Lilo were touched by our pretty scrapbook where we pen down our thoughts and gathered all the photos as memories. the fun part was where they have to guess what Pinky drew as cover page for each of them. haha. totally last minute. and hey, we don't mean to make u all cry!

lilo, rosie, farah and ZEE came too. miss them so much! they're all coping well. lilo, we love u ok. u are strong! maintain that weight and we'll shop together :)
zee, we will all be there for you always :) :)

2007-06-20T10:02:00.000+08:00

so sad that my leave is over. but was sort of well spent on the last day. ok, maybe not if u spend like 5 long hours in a hair salon. haha. tempted for a change though i just coloured my hair like 3 weeks ago. and i went to Roxy Square for it for a bloody cheap price. Huda went East! syikin arh! ;)

me and kin (ala Vicky B). i like my white blond hair. i feel alive with the colours.

the man behind all. love the atmosphere especially the phone.

mon with thinner semi-permanent straight "brown" hair which she's paranoid with. have to say, i like it curly too.

Denvers AGM is coming, meaning there'll be a new committee. i love the current one but life has to go on. i'm damn sad and nervous and happy. for whole day yesterday i feel like crying and dancing and snapping pictures. and training yesterday was fun like tiring fun. i so miss melasttime when i was still studying and committing to the team. working sucks. working in shifts sucks. i kept missing my friends lately.

and last night, i dreamt that i had a brother who woke me up at 3pm to tell me that my ward attendant is coming to my house to ask why i'm not at work (i was I/C for the day and i started at 1.15pm)!! and when i did went work, i bumped into this China colleague(who was still in working uniform) who was shopping and asked me along. and she got good tastes. haha! i think i had that dream kz i wanna so much go out with friends today :(
i really want to do morning shift today because Because.

2007-06-16T11:54:00.000+08:00

it's time to finally
GET
OVER
YOU.

even if it means I can't stop loving you.

TWENTYONE

2007-06-14T18:39:00.000+08:00

i miss her sooo much! so glad we're still crazy and fun and loud and erm..brainful. gatal pon ada..hah! i love thinking with you "teacher", talking about the impossibles and ridiculouses and life (all about twentyone. sobs). i bet our converstaion can stretch til the end of the year if only time is our control.
anyway, SentosaExpress+SkyTower+3Luge(tho we forego one)+3Skyride+SongsoftheSea=$30.
that's for being friendly, though we ended up as bastards. heh.

awaiting for more. ;)

2007-06-14T18:28:00.000+08:00

yow!
i'm in the middle of my leave and it's..alright.
started out pretty ok. went to Bloohie's at Siglap and the food weren't bad. a lil costly but affordable. nice chill out but not when u're alone. then chill at Bella. wah. huda go Bella...
and on Sunday, watch And They Whisper in Silence. like it loads! i'm proud of you all la!

and on Tues, had Donut-rush. Kin, for u, ok!

2007-06-01T18:38:00.000+08:00

i feel like crap. i feel like shit. i feel damn bloody miserable. i feel like i never felt before. going on night shift makes it worse. i feel like somebody's walking on my left ear and the right one kept ringing. and i just did ear syringing today. bloody hell. no difference la. i rather refer myself to the ear specialist. and and and. our dear friends gave us a chance to talk. i am stupid. you are more stupid. i startled. you pretended. i tried one question though but you changed the subject. what the fuck. i knew you knew what's gonna come next. damn coward you. damn unfair okay. and because of the rush, i left my Ritter Sports on the table. that's 11 anti-depressants on the table. why oh why is it always hi laugh goodbye and repeat?

2007-05-24T01:53:00.000+08:00

i like it that...
you smile when we met.
we unintentionally walked close to each other.
you looked into my eyes when i talk.
you paid for me. heh.
you're still a gentleman.
you're still the same. only at that moment.
you asked me along.
/when we laugh together.
you remembered some part of me.
you turned to look at me and wave farewell.

of course, this won't be the last my dear you.
have a good trip and don't worry. we'll all pray for your safe journey to and fro and in between :)

2007-05-24T01:40:00.001+08:00

i can't wait to feel(be) pretty again! it's coming off..yay! this itsy bitsy teeny weeny dots on my face thought to be fatty deposits which turns out to be some sort of poxvirus is coming off. faaiiinally. still, i'm not that satisfied with the treatment. i feel cheated. Dr H supposed to do for me but she's on mc that day so another Dr did. feels different than what was described. i did some research too, you know. anyhow, it still can reoccur. sob. or at least that's what i heard. i'm like half deaf now, anyway. too much earwax. all i hear is 'eeeeeeeeee' on my right. and it's like when i talk, i can hear what's inside of me. if u know what i mean. e.g gritting my teeth. and it's embarassing that you don't know how loud or soft you talk la. irritating specimen she would say. macam macam problem ah kau, huda..

2007-05-12T02:04:00.000+08:00

fucking ____. maybe miss iloveto***s is just a continuation of me. i remember saying do stuffs that you ever wanted to do when we're t____. i don't mean that. or maybe with her. ESPECIALLY not her, seeing her as a ____ of mine. bitch. asshole.
know what. i thought i was blind. glad i had company now.
really man. fuck off.

2007-05-12T01:57:00.000+08:00

Chuck makes me stuck:
in my bed
in front of the tv despite a great show on air
in the toilet
in the waiting line
in the tearoom
in the middle of a conversation
in a crappy destressing moment
and more.

sorry about Thursday.

"Selfish" isn't the right word but it's the first word that comes to mind.

i'm a bastard. selfish bastard.

2007-05-08T01:15:00.000+08:00

i don't get it. please make me get it. i want to.
don't u realise part of the barrier i meant is about..___?
let's put ourselves in each other's shoes, ok?
i want to feel that Monday again when it was fun.

Spidey is swinging great. i love the last song that MJ sings. though maybe, they should kind of focus more of Venom. and he didn't look that venom-ly.

2007-05-06T01:01:00.000+08:00

okie. i have photos of my latest happenings but my comp almost hanged so i think it's safer not to upload to my photobucket. anyway, y'all can always go to http://community.webshots.com/user/benjaminktf or check out Denvers LJ.
yup, so i'm pretty much busy with Denvers which i LOVE. there was the KL trip for Cheer Emas comp-i miss sleeping together with u all-then the Dbl O performance. we hit all la sia! and it's fun grooving with Denvers. i'm not much a dancer but somehow being with them like wth, who cares..ya know.

so. lilo got engaged like finally! 9 years, yo :) :)

i queued for donuts. i find it silly but i queued for donuts. i still find it silly. but i must say i LOVE them a lot. the bread's oh so soft. peanut dark chocolate, double white choc or something like that..so me. and silly me never get the apple cinnamon. i think i want try wasabi next, too :x
but the flavors can't beat the one in Batam. the feeling of finally getting them after 2 bloody waiting hours, is unreal. like as if you got the greatest present in the world. and i still find it silly.

Happy Nineteen, Shane!

watched saw 3 on dvd the other day with sis. so gore lor. and i miss the times we hang out even if it's just tv.

and i'm a little mad with my new friend today. if he'd had told me earlier, i wouldn't be hanging around at home alone (it's Sat!) but be with them flying and jumping like monkeys. i want to twist in the air again! my bad too. if i'm not that worked up last friday, i would've been training. instead, i go pamper myself with idunthinkiwanttosaywhat with my dear Dy whom I miss dearly!

then, i felt down.

and i'm pretty upset with work. i love my workplace now. i dun want to transfer out. at least, not yet :(

i hope tomorrow will be a better day. he said live each day like it's your last. if there's a barrier, go through it. it's possible. i'm here for you.

2007-05-05T23:28:00.000+08:00

Reclusion-Anberlin

There's someone inside me that softly kills everyone around
They don't know they're dead to me cause intent never makes a sound
All along they found us strangled, lovers have learned from slower hands
With these eleven minutes I could teach you what I am

You're sick, sick as all the secrets that you deny
Sins like skeletons are so very hard to hide
You're sick, sick as all the secrets that you deny
Sins like skeletons are so very hard to hide

There's a knot of seclusion, production, and depression
If a stranger turns up missing, this song is my confession
Tell the tales of the trail of dead, lovers learn from slower hands
Losing self in myself, inner demons make demands

You're sick, sick as all the secrets that you deny
Sins like skeletons are so very hard to hide
You're sick, sick as all the secrets that you deny
Sins like skeletons are so very hard to hide

You're suffocating me, so very hard to breathe
My mask is growing heavy but I've forgotten who's beneath

You're sick, sick as all the secrets that you deny
Sins like skeletons are so very hard to hide
You're sick, sick as all the secrets that you deny
Sins like skeletons are so very hard to hide

2007-04-10T23:47:00.000+08:00

i hate post public holidays. i do. and it's just a one day public holiday. few days after the public holiday.
why do you all have to be sick ate the same time?
why do you big people give treatment at the same time?
nabeh.
today was shit. and i mean SHIT. i have to throw my one year old Reebok classic because of it.
and i thought we could really get along like you know, one of the easy relatives i can depend on. we all can depend on but i thought wrong. and i am not judging a book by its cover. FUCKER. fucking rude. we were so nice to you, explained to you and hope you understand but you fucking don't. you are just confusing yourself. idiot. cb. attitude sia.
and it' s my period day one. i could've burst right in front of that fucking wrinkle face if i hadn't been wearing my uniform.
gee. you guys just get on my nerves. have to attend to her somemore tomorrow. i hope my patience stays. i thought i've had enough. i won't mind if she could just shut up. thank god i work with the fun people. really, thank you.

and oh! i think it starts with kena stop by this erm..psych Chinese man on the way to work who's like-
he: excuse me. ahh..can. can you tell me where is block seven? (twitch eyes)
me: it's over there. just follwow the shelter and the signs.
he: ohh. just over there. ok ok. (takes out a piece of paper). then sorry ah to take ur time i just want to ask (twitch eyes). u.u malay right?ok.youdon'ttellme. justsayyesorno. yesornoah. becauseafriendtoldmethis. idunnocorrectornot. soineedsomeonebecauseireallydunno .sojustsayyesorno. ok.thisword(as he point to the paper)okthisisenglishthisismalay. englishmalayah. justtellmeyesorno. yesornoah. isthisonemeansthisone?andthisoneisthisone?
me: erm..no.
he:ok.thenthisoneandthisone?yesorno?
me: no.
he:ok.(twitch eyes) thank you ah. thank you. (mumble to himself and walk away, not heading to block seven)

waste my fucking time. the malay and english words doesn't make sense at all. as in..dunno eh. nothing to do with life seeing he's like 40 plus if u know what i mean. especially the malay words. can't even be pronounced. NEVER heard of it. but kinda makes me laugh. and i tried to figure out his diagnosis. haha.

2007-04-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

grey's anatomy? bullshit. thanks for making me excited.

march is way over and i realised it's mostly choa chu kang, outram park and potong pasir that i went. what a tiring life. but hard work do pay off. Denvers team A won silver for cheerobics and so did Denvers during skm. yeay! i'm so proud of us. kinda wish those days wont be over but i'm actually glad that it did. haha. FINALLY.

i had a great last 2 days of being twenty though. spa-ing and massages with my girls away from Singapore(even if it's just Batam but still). great experience. i wanna do it again. i love The Rah Rah Girls!

and then the Birthday which i didn't enjoy. i so want to be with my friends and my family but i guess things never work out the way you want. but thank you all for the birthday wishes and presents and kisses and hugs.

and i hate You for not even remembering. it hurts, ok. til now. arse.

and then..that's it. yea.

what a March. it's time to catch up with the gang.

P/S: i want to see the Fitzy Nuts(however u spell it) again.

2007-03-07T14:18:00.000+09:00

finally it's march. ok, not finally. it's still like early of the year but this march is like a It thing for me. it's this time of the year, of my life, that i should feel complete. moment i've been waiting all my life. but of course, i am incomplete (not sounding emo here, sorry). you grow, you learn, you realise. it's sad. whatever. i'm still gonna treasure every moment of it even if it meant a stressful month for me. ok, just the competition that has been stressful. dead nervous 'cause like last minute thing for me.

anyway, yeay to channel 5. prisonbreak and grey's anatomy is here this month. still waiting for one tree hill though.
and then the all-girls getaway.
and the big two-one. damn. not really something i had imagined but yeah..better than nothing.
=)

2007-03-06T14:14:00.000+09:00

a friend shared this. fucking awesome this guy.

damn. i can't even pull a perfect cartwheel. kinda lost it.
i hate the music they played, though.
anyway.

HERE I GO DENVERS, HERE I GO!!

2007-02-27T11:57:00.000+09:00

guess your Forever is now.
you will be missed..we love you,Baby!
glad you have stayed strong when you should.
He bless.

Hopeless-Margaret Atwood

2007-02-18T10:43:00.000+09:00

Hopeless-Margaret Atwood

"Today I seem to myself merely sentimental, at the window, looking out at the slush and worrying about the Book of Job. Religion, the burnt heart gripped in its ritual thorns, the chest wall open like a display window. Why are there hookworms? Why are there explosions, on the road, in the wrists, blood hazing the atmosphere?

Forget about tough and competent, I can pour boiling lead from the battlements with one hand, I'm used to it by now, I hardly even look at the scorched faces down there, open mouths with their needle pointed weasel teeth and all those enraged flags waving around. That's what I do on weekdays, during invasions but today is Sunday and I'm hopeless, we're hopeless. Hope needs the future tense, which only make you greedy and a hoarder: the future is what you save up for but like thunder it's only an echo, a reverse dream. Hope is when you expect something more, and what more is there?

Outside, the plague bulges, slops over, flows down the streets and so we stay here, holding on and holding on, to the one small thing which is not yet withereing, not yet marked for death, this armful of words, together, with. This is as good as it gets, nothing can be better and so there's nothing to hope for, but I do it anyway. In the distance, beyond the war in the midground, there's a river, and some willows, in sunlight, and some hills."

THAT'S IT, YOU!!
WE'RE IT.

2007-02-12T11:24:00.000+09:00

my goodness. i forgot that that Friday was a Friday. i should be at Potong Pasir. thanks ah work.

McDreamy: It's hard. How do you choose?
Bailey: It's not hard. It's just painful.

I'm going to Pahang she said.
I'm going to Bali she said.
I'm going to...let's go Batam I said.

i spent $17 dollars on food and still hungry. come to think of it guys, that's not a lot food. cemel cemelan only.

i want to meet you lah, dammit.

LOUIS VUITTON.
LOUIS VUITTON.
LOUIS VUITTON.
LOUSY VUITTON.

that don't impress me much..

the Unseeable. girls get shocked ok, dear friend.

despite the silence sometimes, i want more. i miss u already.

finally got my weekend. i love it.

2007-02-04T23:35:00.000+09:00

ole ole ole ole...
wah. very Singapore. we won, yo!
i like watching soccer at home. it brings the family together.
lame and funny conversations we made. especially dad. i realise that i didn't see him for the past three nights, what with his shift and mine. haha.

2007-02-04T23:20:00.000+09:00

peaceful 3 nights. wishful thinking. i hate i hate. such luck i bring. i got a taste of everything. almost. lucky no falls or errors whatsoever. there's really one going gone, then the critical one then the admissions. why do i pick up the bloody phone? and the antibiotics. and personal assignments. and doctors. and i did them all by myself. yes, you learn. i'm glad. :)
thank god it's calmness by the 3rd night. huge appreciation to dear girlfriend and colleagues.
new friend, i hate you. until you text me. heh.
and dear you. fyi, i think about you a lot these nights. wish you'd call but wth for, right?
ok go.

i'm like totally shag right now. and finally got 8 hours of sleep right after work and shower and breakfast. yup, breakfast despite the tiredness. hungry lah. thought i'll be able to eat all night long but no. or even read e-mails but no.
it's day off tomorrow and i bet there's no one free. never mind. i think i'll still be pretty beat by then.

2007-02-01T18:30:00.000+09:00

ok. an update for you, my girls. i'm not gonna be available til after next sunday or monday. yep. i'm starting on night. sucks. my staurday burnt (again). you all may think it's relaxing but it's not. actually, i'm not sure. heh. last night was pretty relaxing 'course i was literally an "extra", learning here n there but i bet in about 3 hours from now, it won't. like yes, you can relax but at the same time u have to stay alert so it's not that relaxing afterall, you know. yea.. i hope i had a peaceful 3 nights. the most thing i'm afraid of is no, not ghosts but the dangerously ill ones. like they can go going gone anytime and i'm all alone with a pretty erm..not that strong/aggressive partner. whatever.
Bismillah...

2007-01-29T11:49:00.000+09:00

weekend was fun. would have been more fun if not for the rain. wah. all damn tired man. even tho im just a helper, still tiring. probably i'm too worn out from work too. and i like being "reserved". heh. sigh..been long time since i went camping. ok. it's not too camping kz there are beds n no campfire n songs (haha) but.. anw. i usually cry at the end of it. for the time shared i guess. this time tho, the tears is not only for that. for sthg else i think i'll miss soo much. but still, im smiling. :) :)

Denvers Training Camp

2007-01-24T12:12:00.000+09:00

hi. my name is Shoko Yunosue.
i lived in Teignmouth,Devon,England.
tomatoes make your cheeks pink.
i can sing and dance pretty well.
i'm a part-time model and a freelance photographer.
currently taking up how to be an art teacher course.
they used 50 pines of blood for a liver organ transplant and 30 pines of blood for a road traffic accident. please donate, people. i wish i could.
my bedroom dear said it's time for a change.
i can't wait to go camping.
Christina Aguilera retired.
i like Derrick but i love Rob.
work sucks so much yesterday that i almost cried.
Borat makes me sane.
keyboard/piano/organ/synthesizer?
sewing machine.
my first cd is Bewitched. hush.
i hold hands on first date.
i forgot how chatty i am until i met up with my old Singapore buddies:

i have on false eyelashes all the time.
my tattoo have something to do with freedom. life's short. live it.
i love my big brother.

2007-01-22T01:25:00.000+09:00

an unpleasant incident happened to thisparticularlady at this certain setting.
and it causes thissomelady a little trouble 2 days later when she came back from her day off to hear that thisparticularlady wanted to write in a complaint about thissomelady.
she was in fear for a couple of days.
until..

someone: she(thisparticularlady) said somebody push in the clot and causes her to be like that. she said the malay short hair girl.

thissomelady: i know. i'm sure u know who she referring to, right?

someone: huh? really? but she said after that she never see her.

they both glared at each other, thissomelady jaw dropped and then laughed.
what a relief!
she wonder how much have changed over one day. just one day.

2007-01-18T02:07:00.000+09:00

PLUG IN BABY!

credit to ro

credit to ro

broken skin, bruises, broken bag, loss of lip balm n eyeliner, uncapped cologne all for MUSE!
damn. i so don't want them be over. even though they played like what..12-15 songs..i still feel it's kinda short. they are SO good live. every piece, every sound. grooving n moshing to their music makes me forget everything. sadly, didn't get to see upclose of matt hitting the piano. and the finale or whatever u call it is really unforgettable. when it gets smokey and that guitar in the air..yow!

couple of people i knew went but i stick to kyn n phyr kz they booked me first. which is a good thing too kz maybe if not for them, i won't get to be in the front row. haha. ok lah. most thanks to kyn. hee. i wish someone else was there too. and my other girlfriend.

BEFORE

AFTER

but i'm glad at the end of the night, i do get to see those couple of people.

2007-01-08T01:13:00.000+09:00

been 7 days of 2007. well spent. sort of.
have i ever told u how u spend the new year eve is how the year ahead is going to be?
well, at least i believe in that. cause it happens to me.
2005 was a blast n 2006 sucks. but i love the people i meet.

faliq, phyr, kyn, tweet, me. another new friend had to go meet his bro.

(photo grabbed from kyn-thank u.)
my next shopping khakis n bitches sometimes. mon n kyn. i shud have been with them on that new year eve if only i knew. i'ts my cousin on the extreme right. she is like kyn's fav gossip partner now.
haha. what a small world.

last year coming to this year, i spent it with a friend and 2 other art dudes(sort of). not bad. a lil boring maybe but that's all i ever am, anyway. no big.

wee! that's an.

had to act drunk so as to get a cab.

4 days later, i worked. met a friend one of those days. and i see how gentleman a Chinese guy can be.

then i spent time with my bitches again and somehow it feels new. wasted nv take pics. especially him in "Il Divo" suit. haha.

then Denvers time and meet the Sec sch guys. funny how things worked out among us. i was never close with them until..early last year? msn rocks. the only no change is, i'm still quiet.

these 4 training-to-be man have something up their sleeves which i am never to know. fine, i'm a girl.

after duck satay, shisha n peppercurrant tea, it's funtime.

and finally spend the sunday at home watching my darling Scofield. new friend, i'm ahead of u.. haha. can't wait for season 2.

hmm. seeing how this week went, i'm ready to say hello to good times.

2007-01-03T23:30:00.000+09:00

and today is the day of our supposedly.

2006-12-24T23:00:00.000+09:00

somehow public holiday seems like another sunday to me.
mellow.
merry christmas.

2006-12-23T01:00:00.000+09:00

i didn't know that nurses are such big eaters and they love cakes. especially from Secret Recipe.